My Sanity...

How soon is too soon and how does time measure what we have inside? How can time be seen as an ally when it asserts definiteness in our own lives and hearts? I guess we can never be to sure about anything and everything in this world. I guess I cannot be truly comfortable with the fact of love in my midst. Sometimes hurt and pain disguises itself in its clothes and bears the hope and light I know that I deserve. But it never takes place 'coz i see it lurking in the corner and i cannot do anything but pull out my sword and fight to save myself from falling deeply into the ground. It is also a way to be able to defend myself and relinquish whatever integrity and dignity i have left in me for myself. I know it is the best way to be able to understand the rigorous way of life and live; probably in the long run I will be able to accept the love and positive regard confronted upon my life.

But I cannot deny the fact that I could be a hazard to myself. I always tell myself it is okay but every time I see the opportunity of love I grab on it too easily. So I end back to where I started. I am back to square one and I have no choice but be and still be. No matter how hard I try to pretend the non-existence of sadness creeping into my life and in my head it cannot be denied because it is too painful to be left unnoticed. It is to inhumane of me to leave things at that has been disrupted but the heart cannot be denied. The love I feel is too strong to bear. The state of my humanly equilibrium is tested but I won't let it get in the way of life and opportunities. But i have to give in to the love I feel or else I would suffer the usual consequences of unrequited love and conformity. To risk is to something I adhere to in the present age and time of my life. Without ever taking risks, my life can be viewed as something unchallenging and conventional. I have to fight even if I lose. Losing is just a small part to make it essential. But the important thing is that you love...to truly achieve the human side of You and to truly get the need for existence...***